videography! and… dress!

yes. i chose my dress! let’s rephrase… my aunt and mama chose my dress. which makes me love my dress. i don’t exactly remember what it looks like… so i look at the pictures on my phone every once in a while 🙂

that’s something to be careful of, people! don’t let your significant other or parent or whoever you don’t want to see the dress look at your phone without you knowing! once we got the dress and i got pictures of it on my phone, i told daniel he’s not allowed to look at my phone unless he asks. or i tell him. or he promises not to look at the picture section hehe

needless to say, the dress we chose is definitely not the type of dress i thought we’d end up going with! i’m glad it’s chosen and basically checked off the list 🙂

 

WE ALSOOOOO confirmed our videographer! daniel and i met with him and it was fun to talk to someone who is so experienced and can give us advice and ideas outside of just the videography itself. WE ARE SO EXCITED!!! he is VERY cool indeed: http://www.studio205films.com

it’s also very important to remember this: you are creating a RELATIONSHIP with these vendors. you may reallllllly want to work with a certain photographer/videographer/planner/coordinator.. whatever. but it’s not up to JUST YOU. the vendor has to like and want to work with you as well. it’s a two way street even in this situation.

this is something that i think most brides and grooms forget. just because you reallllllly want a professional to work your wedding, they can say no if they don’t feel comfortable in working with you. it would suck… but it will be for the better. if characters clash later (whether it’s YOU that has the problem or the professional), it will suck even more. so respect your vendors and the people you hire. 

barney :)

when i was little, barney was on tv. you know, the big purple dinosaur? with green dots? barney was for little kids… VERY little kids. i couldn’t tell you what he talked about or what the show’s purpose was. i was too old for that. only three year olds watched barney. i was seven. i was a big girl

even at that age, kids care about being cool. about fitting in.

i remember around that age, i was at a church that had kids all around my age. maybe a little older… maybe a little younger. the older kids definitely had more influence than the younger kids… and they were powerful in their own way. if they said something, everyone copied them.

there is a particular memory i have. i was at church for some type of praise night. while we were waiting for the praise night to start, we were sitting in the dark room, projector lighting up the blank wall. all the kids were just talking to each other. the kids around me were talking about barney. how uncool he is. how dumb he is. how it’s for children and it’s s-t-u-p-i-d. one particular guy (i still remember his name) was a little older, and he NEEDED to say how much he hated barney. after that long rant, he went around asking everyone around him – individually – if they like barney. let’s also mention that each of the kids were my age. they were seven. he was ten.

and every single, poor, want-to-say-the-right-thing kid said, “no! of course not! barney is so dumb!”

then it was my turn. i looked at this guy… this mean guy that i didn’t understand… stood up and said, “i like barney”. then ran to my mom.

i was young and don’t remember every detail. but i do remember this: even then, i felt uncomfortable talking negatively about a purple dinosaur. i felt the need to defend this unreal figure because i thought it was wrong to say bad things. i thought it was not very nice, what these kids were saying.

ultimately, the mind is so vulnerable and maneuverable. the smallest event can make someone become mean, heartless, uncaring and selfish. i like remembering this memory. i remind myself… don’t forget that innocence. don’t forget that youth. that’s the most humane thing i can do.

my roommate

i spend a lot of time with one of my roommates. apartment-mates. whatever. 

anyway, when he’s not ridiculously busy, we swim at the school pool, run, go to cafe’s and study (like REALLY study), grocery shop, cook all different types of food, clean the house, go to church, do costco trips… and so much more. we seriously spend a lot of time together. 

 

floyd made this bread using the boudin cook book! 🙂

 

i met my roommate when we were in 7th grade. he was probably one of my first filipino friends. and since he’s so awesome, i started to only hang out with filipinos in high school. kidding. sort of. not really. through the years, we’ve left for different schools, lived similar but different lives, and somehow ended up at the same graduate school.

 

this probably looks weird, having such a close guy friend that is my apartment-mate that’s not my fiance. anyone who knows us knows that we don’t really have to explain ourselves. the fact that my parents TOLD me to live with floyd says a lot. 

ANYWAY. while living with floyd, i’ve learned a lot of things and am slowly realizing that a lot of these new things are actually going to be useful when i am a wife. i am constantly cooking, constantly communicating with a BOY about… everything. it happens when you live with someone. 

i am surprised that i can actually LIVE with a boy. i realized that i really love trying and cooking new things. everything we make, i get excited to make for daniel when we’re married. my mom has taught me how to clean a house where you live with boys. i’ve had much more ease knowing that i can communicate with someone of the opposite gender in a positive and respectful way… ALL the time. 

people have so many marital problems about a million things and a half. but if i can get along this well with my roommate and close friend, how much BETTER will it be living with my husband?! i become more and more excited to be married to my best friend 🙂 🙂 🙂

depression

read this:

www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

and then stop judging people. be loving. be caring. be understanding.

 

Self-Confidence

I truly believe that an individual who is confident and assured in themselves is the most beautiful person. I don’t mean someone who is vain or full of crap or doesn’t care what others think about them. But you know those individuals who are so firmly rooted to a solid foundation… they are confident because they know they are not who they will be later… they are grateful for their life now as well as the life that is ahead of them. Do you know people like that?

I’m definitely not one of those people. I care too much what other people think. I am completely unconfident in the way I look, the way I’m shaped, the things I say, the way I act… everything. And I can constantly put up this face that I’m totally fine because most of the time, I am. But there are moments… MANY moments where I am completely broken down and unable, even though I know there is a higher power that is in control.

I believe in that control. I believe that I will be taken care of. But I also know that when I pretend to be ok, I am ignoring my problems. NOT fixing them. I plan things like there is no tomorrow, hoping that the busy-ness will keep my occupied.

“For I know that MY redeemer lives and I will stand with Him on that day”.

I believe it. I believe it. and not because I want to be a “good” person. But believing and even living it out doesn’t always translate to the thoughts that can come to your head. It hurts. It hurts a lot. And it’s sudden… small… but powerful. I’m not smart enough… Those people think this of me… these people think that of me… I’m not good enough… I’m not pretty enough…

There are so many back and forths. I know I’m loved, yet I can convince myself that I’m alone and unloved. I know that I am blessed, yet I tell myself I’m too undeserving, so don’t feel too grateful and be greedy. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we convince ourselves otherwise?

You know what the funniest thing is? I can tell this to other people without a problem. I can tell someone that they are loved, cherished, beautiful, wonderful and completely covered for. I can tell someone that they are being prayed for and that the negative thoughts are from our own thoughts that require a paradigm shift.. a change in attitude.

I’m learning through all this that I don’t have a solution yet. But I’m also learning that as we plan our wedding day, I need to recognize that my significant (extremely significant) other is not going to fix me. He’s not going to make me whole. He’s not going to fill those gaps where I feel empty. He will definitely be a positive addition to my life. But rather than being my solution, he will help me by leading me in a direction… hopefully the RIGHT direction. He’s going to be the person that can point to me which way we can go together to find this solution without making me ignore the problem.

That’s what I’m learning about what the meaning of marriage is. He’s not perfect, nor is he perfect for me. But we are in a commitment together… which means that I can’t expect my future husband to be my answer to my problems. I can trust that he will help me because we may never find THE “solution”. And that’s all we really need.

In this fact alone, I am confident.

Take a Break

from things. change your routine. move somewhere. take chances. be dedicated to learning and changing and adapting to the world. 

i had the chance to do something different during my work schedule. and it is amazing how a small change can lead to so much growth and learning.

be willing to do that with an open and humble attitude or it is all for naught.

Day 52 – NOOOOO

no updates. HAHA really really busy. that is all.

Day 49 – Right?

i admit that i don’t know what day it is anymore. but i will count sometime soon. i promise. maybe. HAHA but should i change the date to match our NEW wedding date? hmmm.

there are a couple of things that have happened 🙂 

1. i got sick. i dont know with what. but yea. that happened
2. we got samples from a quartet/trio/musical group that we might consider hiring for our ceremony 😛
3. i’m collecting more information to start my own planning business and it’s oh so fun. 
4. it’s ALMOST time to go home and see venues and meet our videographer!
5. we saw our photographer and I WAS SO HAPPY. hahaha i love her 😀 http://www.christinechoi.com YEA. BE JEALOUS THAT I HAVE HER. 

to go off #3… i realized that i try to do everything according to the schedule of others. if someone launches their website, i want to launch mine. if someone started their business, i think i’m behind. if someone is somewhat “further” than me, i feel behind. but i’m learning.. ALL in good timing. i have a future with a wonderful boy that is above all else. our well-being and growth is priority, which makes me happy that when i can do what i want.. it’ll be the PERFECT timing.

my timing is not dependent on someone else’s schedule. i’m already lightyears behind where i want. focus on the right timing for YOU without comparison but with full joy.

what number day?

I am forgetting which day since the trip to Mexico and the long weekend just confused the living daylights out of me.

 

Do you ever have one of those periods of time that you just DON’T feel like writing or doing something you told yourself you would do? Don’t lie. I know you know what I’m talking about.

 

Well, I don’t feel like blogging. I have nothing that I’d really want to share today. But this is how it begins. There will ALWAYS be a time where consistency and perseverance are the last things you want to do. But one day can lead to a week… or a few weeks.. or months! (*cough* my roomies’ and my food blog *cough*). We should really start posting in that. We’ve been cooking so much!

 

But this post.. is about how I don’t feel like posting. But I AM posting. Which is better than not posting.

 

Ya dig?

Day 43 – 44

Right now, I am in Mexico. 

Yes. Mexico.

Some classmates and I decided to come to Mexico and have a little vacation during the Labor Day weekend. We have a house next to the beach in a gated community. It is nice to be here. 

Luckily, we have Wi-Fi. Unluckily, I don’t have many updates regarding weddings. Something that Daniel and I have been doing is contacting our musician friends to get information for a possible quartet or trio for our ceremony. Daniel has heard a quartet once or twice now in weddings we’ve gone to together, and he basically jaw-dropped became obsessed with having our own quartet. 

Updates will be given on this! However, we definitely did see that some people will charge by person, some by flat fee for a ceremony or reception, and some by hour. Keep that in mind! Live music… is a great way to go 🙂 We will keep you updated once… I’m in the country. hahaha