i was in israel from about 10 days, which sort of explains by absence.. but not since i tend to have long periods of absences. prepare for a long(ish) post!
i have had a wonderful trip and am so excited that i got to spend time here. i will likely reflect more on the things i’ve witnessed, the talks i’ve heard, and the memories i’ve made. but for this entry, i will be writing about things i’ve reflected upon during my trip there.
i came here with other students from my MBA program. unfortunately, there were some events that came about that helped me re-evaluate some of my thoughts and also re-establish some of my morals of proper behavior. i shall list them out now:
1. don’t be mean.
simple. or so i thought. apparently, it’s easier for people to say discouraging things than encouraging things. it really blows my mind when, at this age, people can say things that are just flat out mean. i know that i’ve probably said some mean things in my life, and with huge regret. and from my conscious behavior, i don’t think i’ve ever said anything mean to someone since the age of – i dont know – 15 or younger. as people get older, i thought that being mean would diminish. we aren’t BORN mean. yet… with maturity comes the ability to withhold mean comments. don’t be mean. don’t say mean things. don’t call someone something to their face. it’d be better if we didn’t talk behind people’s backs as well… but saying it to their face is just tactless, rude, and unnecessary.
2. your mood doesn’t define everyone else’s.
this one also blows my mind. i’ve had plenty of angry and sad days. but my natural instinct has been not to share that feeling with everyone around me with no regards to my audience’s feelings. obviously, there are exceptions. i wouldn’t expect someone who just had an extremely sad moment in their lives to just perk up. but when someone is in a bad mood because they’re cranky or sleepy or hungry or something of the like, it makes NO sense to me that they’d feel the need to express it to everyone else. my 7 year old baby cousin wakes up cranky and will maybe act cranky. but even my 10 year old baby cousin doesn’t wake up cranky and act cranky to everyone. he gets over it. why? because why the hell would anyone want to experience what you’re experiencing. my 10 year old cousin gets this concept. makes sense that 20+ year olds would get it, right? this comes back to that whole statement of “the world doesn’t revolve around you”. yes. the world does NOT revolve around you. please stop.
3. THINK before you talk.
this sort of connects to the “don’t be mean” one. but it also goes for other things. there are individuals who do not know what is appropriate or inappropriate to say at certain times. or those who don’t think about what they are saying, and say too much. words can be dangerous. the more someone talks, the more opportunity there is for that person to say something they don’t mean. i’m obviously not perfect, but it blows my mind when someone doesn’t recognize the importance of thinking before speaking.
4. what you see first is not what you get in the long run.
now to connect this all. i wouldn’t be surprised at ALL if someone reads this and thinks, “christine… this is YOU”. but with confidence, i can say it’s not. because most people associate my hyper and mostly happy bahaviors as being immature and loud. yes, the volume of my voice can get quite high. that does not immediately translate to being overly wordy or being mean or being cranky. i’ve learned to deal very well with people stating opinions about me. but the older i get, i realize that this is exactly what separates friends from acquaintances. my natural instinct has been to ignore someone who says “christine, you’re so loud” or any comment of the sort. i know that my parents have raised me much better than that. no one recognizes that i am observant or a good friend. they recognize the external. and this happens SO often to SO many people. (i’m just using me as an example). over the years, my friends have been those that have been slow to judge and quick to observe my character. not what they see first. (let’s be clear… i’m not saying i’m the best person in the world. this is an example for anyone. we often miss the positives of people. people can definitely live without me or without having a relationship with me. that’s not the point. the point is that i am using me as an example. yes? yes :P)
to be clear, points 1-3 are not for just first-glance type of situations. they are characteristics that people have (maybe innately). i may need to work on number 4 by not assuming that a mean statement from a person isn’t actually a mean person. or maybe that someone who talks too much isn’t thinking before they speak. but an overall consensus is… it’s typically a characteristic of that individual or else it wouldn’t happen over and over again.
funny how i had these thoughts during my trip to israel. i’ve obviously experienced MUCH more, which i’m sure will be reflected in future blog posts. but these were the thoughts that i wanted to express because i had such great conversations during the trip about relationships and the experiences we were having in the country. and ultimately, these relationship discussions concluded these 4 points:
1. being mean doesn’t get you far in relationships
2. being moody can push people away from you. which is the opposite of having a relationship.
3. having no filter can ruin relationships as well.
4. everybody knows that nobody really knows. (listen to everybody knows – john legend) don’t be quick to judge.
as i head back home and start preparing to go to hawaii, i will definitely have more wedding related posts. my family, daniel and i are going to kauai and i will be forcing daniel to do wedding planning with me. yes. forcing. hehe